crushed because of YOU

UNFORGETABLE MEMORIES.
; April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005

Friday, December 30, 2005

heeeee. my new blog simple. only got picture of me. agagaga. later i put haikal's picturr. myNEWBLOG.

in my black grass ;
9:36 PM

Thursday, December 29, 2005

hey. been busy these days. went out. today went out with my darrl. shafiq. an. and a very cute couple, my darrl's couz and her boi. went to bugis. saw my couz, nazirah. she pretty siah. we were at bugis street. then go kedai bag-bag. an sit on a stool. then my darrl gi pangku atas. then i also ikot ar. then she suddenly depan mata. paiseh man. then we go walk from bugis street to town. quite tiring ar. but it wasn't so far. then go esplanade. but before that. me and an split cash, buy the chocz nyer marshmellow. nice. then go rooftop. then got my darrl's couz's neighbour and friend. i don't know ar. one small and sweet. the other one like rugged. then at 8 go belah. go take 196. stop at bedok. then we all split! my darrl sent me home. ahaha. not my fault he go follow me inside the lift. then we kissed. taaching. ahaa. today alot of hugging and kissing. agagaga. i stop here ar!

in my black grass ;
6:38 AM

Monday, December 26, 2005

hee. ytd never post. ytd went to bedok int. got a "bazaar". aha. then go sengkang. go kalana's crib. we ate cake. nek pau and shida's birthday. yummy cake. then go watch hanyut's telemovie. hoho. lame siah. my parents now keeping a close eye on me. babi. aha. now i'm at my nenek's crib. using my aunt's comp. my uncle tunang-ing. aha. well, wish him luck ar. i got to go ar. tehee. well, haikal is cute. whoever he is..

in my black grass ;
12:03 AM

Friday, December 23, 2005

hey. making this post short. went to a family picnic. it was at 9. came at 11 'cause irfaan woke up late. went to pasir ris. nothing much there. just argue with a-ee. he is so immature. what a brat. my hands got ropeburn. aha. well. okay ar. i'm tired. tootles. yeah zahrin. you know i miss you. you suchha ass, make me upset. love you loads. missing you more. missing you really hurts me. love you, md zahrin bin md yusoff.

in my black grass ;
11:58 PM

hello. aha. ytd's post not interesting. i know. lagu nsync. i know lagu "classic". aha. but, it's suchha nice song. today's post short gila. aha. ytd the smackdown. kiwak. randy orton asik jatuh-jatuh seh. then he keep escaping. i hate you, UNDERTAKER! kao gyler. kao syko. but kinda glad he chokeslammed kane. hoho. randy still rocks!

in my black grass ;
1:01 AM

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

There's a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home
Oh, seems so long ago you walked away
Left me alone
I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange
and maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change

Was it something I said
To make you turn away?
To make you walk out and leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that you were right here
But right now..

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains..

You're gone..
You're gone..
Baby you're gone
Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone..
You're gone..
You're...

I don't wanna make excuses, baby
Won't change the fact that you're gone
But if there's something that I could do
Won't you please let me know?
Time is passing so slowly now
Guess that's my life without you
and maybe I could change my every day
But baby I don't want to

So I'll just hang around
and find some things to do
To take my mind off missing you
and I know in my heart
You can't say that you don't love me too
Please say you do

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I Drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains

Oh what'll I do
If I can't be with you
Tell me where will I turn to
Baby where will I be
Now that we are apart
Am I still in your heart?
Baby why don't you see?
That I need you here with me

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains

Been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains

But the truth remains.

in my black grass ;
11:28 PM

fuck. make this fucking post, short. don't care if any of my relatives or sister is reading this. i hate my mom. whore. sial. celaka. hate her. i feel like running away from home. i don't care. so fucking wasted in this fucking family with this fucking sial. sial! i'm better on my own. mother or not. who are you to hit me sial. you have no rights. i don't even want you to touch me sial. i don't even want to look at you. sial. hit me for no reasons. hit me when it's not my fucking fault. goodbye you fucking ass. hate you. and that's final. i've had it with you. let this be a sin, but God knows how i really fucking feels. -the hatred and gore from my deep insides to the fucker who i don't know, why made me alive.

in my black grass ;
12:55 AM

Monday, December 19, 2005

heyo.

okay. not making this post a long one. hrmm. ytd i got on the phone with dzul. i know how to activate and deactivate my free incoming calls! finally siah. quite worth it ukh. i activate just for his pretty face and our KEmendak-ism. talking to him, so. horrible. i'm small and short. so what! being big isn't a defence! it isn't. yeah. big show might be bigger and heavier then rey mysterio. but at survivor series. rey mysterio eliminated big show tau. being small has it's specialties. (= so, it's gajah and tikus. well. bored. my sister watching kuch kuch hota hai. i don't know how. but i know she watching. hais. well, khai just came back from terangganu. huahua. today syafiq also come back from kl, i think. well, syafiq! my days so bored without you! because you never text me ar. boring tao. nak harapkan zahrin and sulhi. pooi. well. my thoughts are getting rusty. i want to get some coca cola in the fridge. aha. eh, can anybody, besides sulhi. tell me. is there such a word called "COKING". ahaha. what only sulhi.. well. carmen electra loves coca cola too. ain't that nice. well. till now. and when time stops. i will still be DEEEEEE. haha. and i think got no hope to quit smoking. ahaha. byeeee!

in my black grass ;
9:49 PM

Sunday, December 18, 2005

heyo. didn't blog ytd right?

well. internet was down. ytd went to plentong. go giant. go shopping. then went home by tuas. jam gyler babi. one and a half hours waited siah. the custom say me and irfaan looked different in the passport. kiwak. bedek siak. then went home. go drive past orchard road. see the lights. i asked my mom if i can go out once in a while and go home at around nighttime. she let siah. freedom. tehee. wells, i have the freedom. now want to go out with my peeps. but don't know with who. anyone of my PEEPS. free this few days? bored ukh. well. ytd never watch legally blonde. haha. who cares. watch kuch kuch hota hai. whohoo. then at 11.45, watch survivor series. first match was THE GAME vs. NATURE BOY in last man standing. hHh won. then got THEDORE LONG vs. ERIC BICHOFF. thed won. the boogeyman attacked eric. stupid. TRISH STRATUS still keep her title. she deft. MELENA. JOHN CENA also keeps his WWE title. kurt angle lost. haha. U SUCK. U TOOT. TOOT TOOT. haha. i don't remember anymore matches. but i LOVED the last event. team SmackDown vs. team Raw. smackdown won. DOH.

RANDY ORTON. LASHLEY. JBL. REY MYSTERIO AND BATISTA(smackdown leader)
VS.
CHRIS MASTERS. CARLITO. KANE. BIG SHOW. HBK( raw leader )
rko and hbk start first. whohoo. then lashley was first to out. then kane. then batista. then bigshow. then carlito. jbl threw hbk. then hbk became weak. then chris masters out. then rey mysterio. then jbl pull hbk into the ring. then jbl kena sweetchin music. then randy and hbk again. randy won. whohoo. mr RKO!! loves the legend killer. then undertaker came. buat spoil the moment. haha. i also confused who was out. but i know rey mysterio did good with his 619.

well. i stop here. bye! merry christmas.

in my black grass ;
11:54 PM

Saturday, December 17, 2005

you love somebody else, but i wish i could just Object that.

i'm always the RAGDOLL. play me with kisses. and fool me with love. hurt me with no fear. and Leave me with no GOODBYE.

tehee. just something i cooked up last night. hurhur. today stayed home all day. chatting with this guy i so called "love", dzul. chatted with hanii and farah just now. missed them siah. i feel sorry for hanii. her parents too harsh. saddening. kinda was like. damn it. she so lucky. she got chicken little. dating ar. haha. she said that sul cute. haha. sort of ar. sul's face. have no comments about it. damn it. sul got dearest. i think i know who. (= did a pathetic survey just now. my five closest friends. sue. ween. zahrin. khairul. sulhi. hais. miss each of them. except sul. hais. syafiq's already off to kl. sweet of him to text me before he reached malaysia. he texted me at woodlands checkpoint. missing him already. i wrote faiz a testimonial just now. i told him that i was quitting npcc. he sounded like. upset because the squad getting lesser and lesser. i feel bad too. i don't know what kak faj or her friends will say ar. they got that chipmunks. sorry but jembalang mata hitam going off. i feel sad too. hais. either join comp club, drama, or library. lame choices siah. but, i gotta support myself in a co-corricular activity. hais. well. feeling upset about quitting. so, i won't continue.. bye then.

in my black grass ;
4:28 AM

Friday, December 16, 2005

heyo.

today was a good day. okay, a fun day. finally went to buy school books. went at around twelve. hundred and fourty plus dollars only siah for my books. sat with my honey kwrumbs and her sister. i think her name is wati. ahaha. then went home. then played the computer for a while, until 2. then siap. going out with just a friend. so wear something simple. wore my beige polo tee and my black jeans. well, like what only, look for a place to eat. in the end. we ate at long john. he made me laugh all the way. haha. then after eat. we talk-talk. we looked at each other's ezlink card. haha. he looked so.. GEEKY! i laughed until my eyeliner smudged and he even offer tissue! haha. then his big brother and his cousin came. they both very farnie. his cousin knows my name and know where i live. and knows izzat. his big brother looked younger then him. haha. then they all say they want to go eat. then me and sul pun belah! he rang the bell siah. the bell where if we gave good service thingy. kiwak. kuat siak. then i think we walked all over bedok interchange and central. we talked about ASSes and "where do you want to go?" and "anywhere but here". then it was about 6. we sat at mcdonalds. we figet-figet. he bully me siah. babi ar YOU! bilang mama abang bully adik. haha. sat until like. 6.30. then i had to go home.. go the bus line-up there. sat at the railing there. he just leaned on it. missed 228 because it was very full. missed 66 because masih tak puas. so the next 228 tak ramai orang. then took bus. and trembled all the way home. he now batt low.. so, never sms him. sms SYAFIQ! instead. have fun at kl! hurhur. well, "he"/"him" should remain unidentified. i guess only SYAFIQ! knows. tehee. those kisses meant nothing. even he agreed! i'll never regret the whole of today. won't regret not going out with him too. i don't care if his DEAREST gets angry at me! haha. well, it's been suchha long time since i felt kisses. i missed kisses on my hands, forehead, cheeks and lips. tehee.(= well, just now, nothing happened laa. i think. i know i really love today. i want to go out with him some other days too. then we can act sarcastic and annoy each other. come on, kiss me. ghahahahaaaaaa. okay. so today, may God bless Md Zahrin Bin Md Yusoff. happy birthday you ASS! i hope everybody had fun today. I KNOW I DID! wakakakakaka.

in my black grass ;
4:26 AM

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

everytime i think about you, you'd coincidentally give me a call. i don't believe in love at first sight but i'm starting to feel weak. i think i love you. but i hardly know you. =)) i'm sick of falling in love. knowing it was doubtless and hurtful. i'm sick of just weeks of relationships. i need somebody real. i don't need a relationship to make me happy, seriously. can't i just have one guy to have and hold? somebody to hold my heart and take charge. i'm sick of waiting. i'm not being loved. i'm being hated. i don't need a fucking boyfriend. i need a friend. a real friend! i'm not saying the friends i have is not enough.. i'm only thirTEEN. no, i'm not looking for the love of my life. that's fucking pathetic and jodoh hanya di tangan Allah. i feel hurt without even being touched. i might be thirTEEN. but i'm not a child no more. =)) stupiid sulhi. think that i really need a lifetime partner. haha.
HERE I AM. PERFECT AS I'M EVER GONNA BE. YOU'LL SEE. LOVE ME FOR ME. STAND AROUND. I'M NOT THE KINDA GIRL YOU WANNA LEAVE. YOU'LL SEE. LOVE ME FOR ME. I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY LIFE TO FIND YOU. JUST SO I CAN PUSH YOU AWAY. =)) [ ASHLEE SIMPSON;; LOVE ME FOR ME ]]

I'LL END MY DAYS WITH YOU. I'M TRYING. TO LET YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME. THIS TIME. I MEAN IT. I JUST LET YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME. AS SNOW FALLS, ONTO THE DESERT SKY. UNTIL THIS, I MEAN THIS. I MEAN THIS! I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING. TO LET YOU KNOW. HOW MUCH YOU MEAN. BUT THIS TIME. WE'LL SHOW THEM. SHOW THEM ALL. HOW MUCH WE MEAN. UNTIL THE END OF EVERY. . . [MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE;; DEMOLITION LOVER ]]

haha. sumer skip2 the full song. haha. well, demolition lover is one of my ultimate favourite. you're a bitch. but i love you anyway. you can't sing. but you still put me to sleep. haha. well. i'm done for today. uhrm. dear, haikel mana tu?

in my black grass ;
9:13 PM

whohoo. kinda happy.

went out just now. met faris from the skatepark. go valley8? watch him and his friends play pool. i can't say whose the best. they were all exceptionally good! got one guy, remind me of indra. one remind me of azrin. aha. but they are way cuter. whohoo. i didn't catch their names. tak salah. one of them is haikal. haha. he's cute. all of them are cute. faris not bad ar. i like his eyes. that time. he was tryingna hit the cue ball. the ball jumped and hit my knee siah. tehee. tak baik siak. but he's a really good guy. they all are. they from tanjong katong. ee. too smart for me. =DD listening to love me for me;; ashlee simpson. whohoo. use my RADIOBLOGCLUB juke.blog. haha. went to haikal's house? aha. go watch the guys play comp for a while. i never looked. but someone of them 3 suap me biscuit. haha. then got home. took a cab. stopped at damai bustop. then they go eunos. i would wanna go hang out with them someday. but faris think i'm attached. haha. okay. my so called "boi" is from damai. fifTEEN. haikal. we've been together for 3 months. like. sappa siak jantan tu. yeah. i'm bad at lying last minute. haha. i pray to God, Allah S.W.T, that i would see them some other day. i've been praying alot of things to happen. haha. yeah. i prayed to God before asking an apology to syafiq. haha. alim ak? haha. elek suah. wells. wanna listen to songs. and kacao weween. gudBAI.

in my black grass ;
1:46 AM

Monday, December 12, 2005

halo peeps.

happy. got this radioblogclub thingy. got free music. whohoo. real music. stupid dumbass girl deleted all my downloaded songs. hmm. bored. not chatting with anybody. malas. whohoo. listen to all the my chemical romance songs. they are so nice! dammit! my favourite is to the end. whohoo. in love with mcr. especially mikey way and frank iero. whohoo. chitchat on the fhone with sulhi ytd. too goody2shoes. ee. too good. but. i miss him. i will wait. btw, i'm broke. hais. aites2. wanna add more songs to my playlist. goodbye my lover! goodbye my friendS!

in my black grass ;
12:58 AM

Sunday, December 11, 2005

hello there.

i'm so glad! i downloaded firefox mozilla. whohoo. it's so much faster then my internet explorer. whohoo. so cool. wells, been working on my new blog. tehee. now registering cbox for my new blog. hrmm. bored. felt so stupid missing syakirin's chalet. but, i don't know her that well. =DD went to my aunt's crib. ceramah at cik edah's crib. was so into ytd's lesson. learnt about the Rasul, Malaikat. whohoo. then. after the ceramah. ate. after eat. sit down at ilya's room. then fariz skatepark called. tehee. asked me if i could go out. aha. come on. my sister has to go home before 8pm and he wants me to go out? haha. fat chance. my mom is nasty. wells. happy birthday KHAIRULNIZAN BIN ABU NAIN! love you loads. haai. i don't like you, like you khairul. i just like khairul. i'm not in love with him, completely. i just love him as a paranormal friend. yeah. khairudin text'd me just now. he called me dear! the second person to call me dear. whohoo. ytd was my dahrling's first day of work. i think. works at a factory near expo. well known because students work there parttime. 8pm to 8am. wells. kinda boring as my dahrling is working. but hey, if he gets paid. we'll finally go out. whohoo. miss him.. loads. maybe 24th december or so, "confirmed" by cik edah. my family's gonna have a picnic! haha. eve of christmas? possible? i'm not sure. kakak yanti in charge. hope it happens. or hope it doesn't. i think. tehee. didn't touched the comp the whole of ytd. watch tv instead. nothing good online anyways. went to watch wwe raw on friday. it was the epi where they gave news about eddie guerrero's death. i cried watching the tribute video. tehee. i cried after seeing chris benoit, rey mysterio and kurt angle cry. hbk didn't cry. i think. and i can't believe melena defeated trish stratus, the wwe woman's champ. oh god. if she win's the belt, and the mnm still hold the tagteam champ belt. i think they're gonna be up to no good. the whole epi was enjoyable when melena got a big kiss from the big show. haha. she was disgusted. but hey, i would want a pro wrestler to kiss me. like, hello. wwe tagteam champ. one of the biggest and fearless wrestlers. i wonder if undertaker is still alive. i could still hear the "tong" "tong". haha. wells. won't blab much. ZAHRIN, I MISS YOU SO MUCH. will i ever see you again?

in my black grass ;
1:56 AM

Friday, December 09, 2005

halo.

bored for the whole day. but whad to do. hasn't go out since that day i go suntec. lama. today was supposed to go out and meet my dahrling. *winks*. teheex. but he got something on. tamnit. i miss him so much. hehe. no one, never. GUY, called me dear. tehee. suweet argh. wani disagrees about him being cute. oh, come on. he is. only stupidlooking on certain days. hrmm. finally got this deep thought. i am so gonna miss the seniors. those graduating argh. gonna miss my dahrling, amir, wani. but hey, gotta move on. going to be secTWO! can't wait. still haven't bought a pair of sneakers for my feet. haven't bought books. haven't alter skirt. horrible. tehee. going to miss my dahrling! whohoo. i want to be the most well-respected secTWO in damai. chey. macam betul jeh. hurhur. well, i know i won't have a bitchy attitude like dented and dented's friend. i'm not bitchy. people just don't know me yet. that's the fact. whohoo. chatting with my mrlurplurp, khairulnizan bin abu nain! tehee. kinda miss him thou. miss his face. hrmm. wells. ytd, faris called me. faris the budak skatepark who wanted to kenal-kenal with me, called. hahaa. he's fifTEEN. but he schools at tanjong katong sec. i hate smart ass guys. but he's good to talk to. i don't even recalled his face. to think that i AM interested in people who'd approach for numbers. yawn! haha. i miss my dahrling argh. gonna miss him. DEAR, WHERE ARE YOU? you are out there, somewhere. and i am here. with a sorebutt. hais. aites. december got alot of events sia. wanna know?
DEC-
o1. world aids day
o3. hani
o9. tasha
11. mrLurpLurp
16. big brother. ain.
25. christmas.
26. tsunami anni

tehee. okay. got to go.

in my black grass ;
5:29 AM

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

i was bored. got bored last night at 1am. stuped woman locked my room. so i couldn't sneak into the room to play the computer. such an ass. locked the door. fargker. wells, i raped something from my phone. old, old thing. . don't need it read it if you don't want to. hais. i think hanii knows who i'm talking about. but. it's an old crush. i hope hanii remembers who "Hook" is. =))

*his real name here*. can never hide the way i feel for you. wants to make you happy. but so impossible. do you even notice me? loived you since the moment i saw you. i still remembered that day. i'd smile in pride. but caress me. it shames. yes, it hurts to loive you. you loive somebody else. but till today, i don't regret about loiving you. you'll never know me Hook. but i really wish you could. saviours to you. you know it! find my name. write it in sand. let the sea wash away this insanity. it's ridiculous. and wait for the moment where everything fades away. loive hurts. -die in fright.

kinda lame. dulu i like to say loive. haha. i like the caress part. haha.

i miss alot of my peeps so much. hanii, even thou we just met a couple of days ago. khairulnizan, i love you. very much. whohoo. i miss zahrin the most. we'd chat at times. but i really, really miss him. hear that big brother? huahua. miss weween gyler. miss dayah indon. miss suzie tuween loads. haha. my sister opened my wallet. saw our neoprint. she said we looked sweet. aww shucks. haha. crazy woman put 3 fake fishes into a plastic tupperware. aha. irfaan really thought got real fishes. since the fish's tail can move. haha. it's so fun to stupidize people. hahacks. want to go. write long, long. boring ar. no one reads it. not alot of people anyways. huahua.

in my black grass ;
2:58 AM

Monday, December 05, 2005

heyo.
blogging.. haha. had fun just now. went esplanade. suntec city ukh. saw ms azleen. whohoo. hugged her! haha. she gewek ukh. wells. basically went there with dila. farah. syakirin. tasha. chicken little mata sepet. mad. and dila's boi. soe, i dunchknoe his name. okay. went suntec city. told you addie huh. dila's boi ask for one dollar. he play arcade. thought he could win a psp. haha. pathetic ukh. then i gave mr sepet 2dollars. haha. maseh tak menang2 lagi. me and dila were the only ones sitting down. slacking somewhere near the escalator. then saw them play from far. pathetic. semua orang nak psp. playstation portable. haha. paris hilton has it herself. they took a long time lor at the arcade. then we go eat at kfc. some fuckker say kfc tak halal. haha. cibai. then they made jokes while we ate. i gave my cheese fries to the "less fortunate". mad, dilla and her boi ukh. mr sepet go buy he's own food. haha. then dilla say she wanna go home. so her boi tagged along. then mr sepet and mad also. hais. then go where. lao pa sat? haha. then patah balik. go home. took the same bus as dilla they all. haha. gadoh wip tasha about sitting beside farah. haha. in the end. i sat the end of the bus. then mr sepet said that me and mad look alike. i was like. where have. mad? he got jambul and don't really smile alot. then the rest all laugh siah. then mad said why we wear same coloured clothes. pph. none of them likes me. whadafark. haha. gotta admit. hook is so cute. haha. went home. took 66. alone. parents didn't scold. went home bfore 8. not grounded. whohoo. wells. got to go. yea. hani. you totally missed it. no money? you should see dilla. she got no money also tagged along siah. wells. miss you loads. miss schoool too. wells. papi's home. got to go. muwarkhs.

HOOK IS CUTE!

in my black grass ;
5:59 AM

Sunday, December 04, 2005

hrmm. i never blog this past few days. wow. as if i care about what my mind says. as if anybody cares about me. i hate myself for having friends. there's no point anyway. well, my friends are all fake. most of them ukh. pure 100%, cold, shiny, hard plastic. cold; evil, mean. shiny; shallow, selfish. hard; ignorant and nothing gets into them. plastic. just like the mean girls. i don't even want to be cady. nobody fucking cares about anything else. that's the fucking truth. i hate being a girl. sometimes i wonder why i was never an outcast. i should thank god for being alive. but i haven't been thankful enough. fuck this fucking free world! i hate me. i hate u. i hate THEM! yay. i'm getting my consious back. my life is a HAVOC.

i tried to be perfect. it just wasn't worth it. i don't believe it makes me REAL.

Your undying thirst was one I could not quench

I wasn't enough for your desires to love alone

Doomed to watch the world through an empty glass

My heart no longer holds together on its own,

Silver bounds hold it tight in the mangled mess you left

Lying upon the floor as you walked out my door.

Never wasting a second thought on me you moved on

Forgetting the innocents you stole, the heart you broke

The vacant shell of a girl you once claimed to love

______

in my black grass ;
2:42 AM